American Ramadan Documentary

It's a worthwhile documentary to watch for all!

12 Tips for Childrearing

12 TIPS FOR CHILDREARING

-Start Early
-Have your Emotions Under Control while Instructing Children
-Parents should Present a United Front
-Be Consistent
-Never Lie to your Children
-Don't Reward Crying
-Teach Your Child to Apologize When he/she Does Something Wrong
-Accept Child's Apology
-Apologize For Your Mistakes
-Teach Islam From an Early Age
-Instruct in Good Morals
-Discipline Your Child

1. Start Early
Although many parents believe that very small children are too young to understand, their early years are probably the most important opportunity for parents to start them in the right direction. Once good patterns are established, they will be easy to maintain. Once bad patterns are established, they will be difficult to change.

2. Have your Emotions Under Control while Instructing Childern
Don't discipline your child because you are angry with him, but rather because you want to teach him. Motive is important here. As a Muslim parent, your motive should be to help your child.

3. Parents should Present a United Front
Parents should discuss their strategy for training and disciplining their children and agree to work together as a team. If children realize that one parent is strict and the other is easy, they will play the parents against each other. When the strict parent stops them from doing something, they will go ask the easy parent for permission. Both parents need to tell the child the same thing. If parents sometimes disagree on how to discipline the child, they should discuss it privately, not in front of the children.

4. Be Consistent
Most experts on children agree that parents should be consistent. Constantly changing the rules and expectations will only confuse your child. If you stop him from writing on the walls today, and you allow him to write on the walls tomorrow, he will not understand when you get angry the next time he writes on the walls. If you inconsistently apply the rules, he will also test you at times to see whether you are going to be tough this time or easy. If, however, he knows from experience that you always stop him the first time, he will quickly learn it does no good to try to get away with something. Although consistency is essential, it does not mean that parents cannot change their minds about the rules. If you do change the rules, however, you must inform your child in advance so that he will know what to expect. This failure to be consistent is at the root of many parents' inability to control their children.

5. Never Lie to your Children
If you lie to them "every now and then," they may not believe you when you tell them the truth. This also applies to those situations when you tell your child to stop doing something, or you will put him in his room, spank him, or take away his toys. If you make that kind of a threat, you must stick with it. Otherwise, you have lied, and your child will not know when you are serious and when you are not. He will then be forced to test you again and again to see.

6. Don't Reward Crying
If children realize that every time they cry, they get what they want, crying will become like money for them. Every time they want something, they will cry. On the other hand, if you teach them that crying doesn't get them anything, they will stop crying for things. Let them cry and cry and cry, but don't give in. In the beginning, it will be difficult, but be patient. Once they learn the lesson and stop crying for everything, you will be happy that you were firm. You can either listen to crying for a few days or for the rest of your life. It's your choice.

7. Teach Your Child to Apologize When he/she Does Something Wrong
This is important so that he will learn what is expected of him from others and from Allah (SWT). If he does something wrong, he should ask forgiveness from Allah (SWT) and apologize to any people who were hurt by his words or actions. This will be useful in developing his conscience.

8. Accept Child's Apology
Be quick to excuse your child when he apologizes and shows that he is sorry for his disobedience or bad actions. When we do wrong, we seek forgiveness from Allah (SWT) and want to be excused. Likewise, we should excuse others. This will develop in your child a sense of mercy and prepare him for an understanding of the forgiveness of Allah (SWT). Always make it clear to the child that you love him, especially after he has been in trouble and apologized. Let him understand that no bad feelings remain.

9. Apologize For Your Mistakes
Don't be too proud to apologize to your child when you make mistakes. This will establish in him a belief in your sense of justice and prevent him from viewing you as nothing but a tyrant.

10. Teach Islam From an Early Age
Teach your child from an early age about Allah, the Prophets, the Sahaba, and the great heroes of Islam. If we develop in them a love for Islam and provide them with righteous examples for their heroes, they will be much less likely to go astray. A person wants to be like his heroes. If he admires Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam), Abu Bakr (R.A.), and Ali(R.A.), he will try to follow their example. If he admires a rock star or a gang leader, he will want to be like them. If we inspire our children with good examples, when they are tempted to do wrong, they will, Insha-Allah, remember these examples and remain steadfast.

Although I was raised as a Christian and didn't embrace Islam until I was in my 20s, I was greatly influenced by the Biblical stories of Prophets like Nuh, Ibrahim, Musa, and Isa (peace be upon them all). Although the Biblical stories were not in their pure form, they still inculcated in me a love and respect for the way of the Prophets. Although I fell into many of the temptations of youth, Alhamdulillah, I always felt something within me holding me back from going too far. While many of my friends went headlong into a highly destructive way of life, I believe that my knowledge of, and affection for, the Prophets helped me to return to a better path.

11. Instruct in Good Morals
Teach your child good morals and good manners. An excellent book for this is Islamic Tahdhib and Akhlaq: Theory and Practice, by B. Aisha Lemu.

12. Discipline Your Child
Discipline should not become the domain of one parent. Mothers and fathers should both participate in the disciplining of their children. Although mothers often threaten their children by telling them that they will get into trouble when their father gets home, this method is not very useful for three reasons. First, discipline should be carried out immediately after the disobedience occurs so that the child will connect the disobedience with its consequences. If parents wait until later, the child may have forgotten why he got into trouble, and feel that the parents are not justified in disciplining him. Second, sometimes the child must be stopped immediately, and the mother cannot wait until the father gets home.

The child must be taught to respond immediately to her commands as well as his father's. Third, making one parent responsible for disciplining the child may turn that parent into the "bad guy" in the child's eyes. The child should recognize that both parents agree on their methods of disciplining him.

If parents follow these principles consistently, they should see a dramatic improvement in their children in a short time. If, however, the children have been allowed to run the house for a long time, and the parents have given up their authority, it will take longer for the children to get used to the new rules. Although the various methods of discipline are important and will help you to control your children and force them to do what you say, you will not always be with them as they begin to grow, and, thus, the penalties and consequences from you will not concern them. Ideally, as you discipline your children you will also develop their conscience and their knowledge of right and wrong. Teaching those good morals and manners and instilling in them a love for Allah, the Prophets, the Sahaba (R.A.), and the great heroes of Islam should help them to do good even when you are not around. The attainment of self-discipline and a concern for doing right! eousness whether they are with others or alone is the true goal of childrearing. The afore-mentioned techniques are merely some means to achieve this.

What to call your own...

I'm sure all parents in the world had their bad dayz and good dayz, but I wonder if they ever cursed their young ones.

is "are you mentally retarded?" and "you stupid ass!" to their children a part of how to talk to them???? I know the feeling of being upset, I let myself went overboard sometimes with my children when I get upset, but I would never cursed them or at them. Yes, the word "sucks" passed through my mouth sometimes.

I've seen this with my own eyes and heard it up close and personal. Never knew that somebody would actually talk to their children this way. I've held my tounge millions of times in regards to my children. I know how much I love them and how much I would do anything for them and what not to do for them.

There are guidelines to raising your children and this information I received is from a personal source and I also heard some celebrity talked about it on TV one time.
0-7: pure love
7-12: Discipline them
12-18: Be their friend
If I'm not mistaken

Road to Paradise

Take Adam and Eve Avenue, until you come to the intersection of Habil[Abel] and Kabil Cain] street, merge right on Habil and continue for the next twenty miles till you come to Noah’ Ferry.

Take the Ferry to Safety land, Ignore the majority of other travel agencies directions, and arrive at Abraham’s Super High Way one Allah Swt only.

Follow Abraham but avoid the exit of Sodom and Gomorrah Township until you get to
Moses Lane but pass Gold and Greed bridges and take it to Jesus Mercy Road. Here you will encounter a lot of confusion, streets are not well marked, and many peddlers along the road are giving away maps with conflicting directions to travelers. The Romans have renamed Pagans path as Jesus Mercy Road.

If you are not sure about the authenticity of Jesus Mercy road review your map. See if Jesus Mercy path is a continuation of Abraham’s Super Highway. If it is a continuation you are fine, but still proceed with caution. If you have diverged make a U-turn and go back to Abraham’s super highway [1] and re-try again.

Continue on true Jesus Road, if you do not see the following signs along the path, you should stop and review your map again. Maps for this path have been tampered with, we recommend the Barnabas edition street map to get to the Unity of God Congregation, Immaculate Conception Corner and Love Thy Neighbor Community Center.

Avoid showing the Romans Traffic Police Your Barnabas Street map, it is banned. They will confiscate it and you will be forced to use [Thieves Tunnel, Conspiracy Overpass, Terror Inner Circle By-Pass] the authorized official map-the Paul street map which was drawn to direct the motorists to Rome [the Home] For that reason there is a lot of lost traffic on this road. On the other hand, True Jesus road is found on the Barnbas street map, but only a few people have access to this map.

Keep on Jesus Mercy Road until you find Muhammad’s Sallallahu alaiyhi wa salla Sunnah Express way. Stay on this Express way and do not be lured to rest areas along the express way.

Be aware of Highway Robbers, by insuring your vehicle with Dhikr [Zikir] Security Systems. All vehicles secured with Dhikr Security Systems will be protected from assaults by robbers][/thieves/ hijackers/ terrorist/ conspirators. ] Satan [and his followers].

Make sure that you have enough fuel. The highest grade fuel for this long and tiring trip is the Taqwa grade [brand] fuel. Make sure you demand this brand when you stop for refueling. Lighten the load on your vehicle; carry only the most important items for this trip. Two meters of white cloth, good deeds, and prayers of your kids is all you need. Excess weight is allowed only if it is more of the above. Other items will only slow you down or cause you lose sight of where you are heading and you risk losing the coverage of Dhikir Security System, thereby becoming an easy target for the [thieves/Robbers /Dacoits/Hijackers/ terrorist/ conspirators etc]. Satan.

You need to check your vehicles safety features periodically by reading your manufacturer’s manual- the Holy Quoran .and Hadith. Your steering wheel must be calibrated by [Sunnah Calibrated method,[ Akaidh] batteries must be charged with Iman, the engine needs to be tuned up with Iklas and your tires must be properly inflated with Ihsan. Most important of all you must test the entire vehicle with Tawheed check-list.

It does not matter if most parts of your vehicle are performing right, if a single part in your vehicle does not perform according to specifications of the Tawheed [its conditions] you vehicle will break down and again the robbers will rob you of what is left. The overall performance of your vehicle depends on the performance of the weakest part in your vehicle, so routinely check these weak points, as they may be detrimental to your trip.

Ther are many milestones on Muhammad’s road, and these milestones will assure you that you are on the right track. Do not worry that there are less/not any people on this road. Just because you are alone on this road. Do not think that you are driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Loving Allah more than anything else, loving the prophet Muhammad saw and his companions, who supported him when he was oppressed, following all his teachings, responding with patience and acceptance to lack of worldly goods, hunger, loss of family members are but some of the milestones and glad tidings that you are on the right track.

Also this road will be paved with pain, hardship, struggle with yourself and others and Iblis [the [declared enemy]. The Robbers and his aids, and all things that is not appealing to the soul. Never lay your guard; this trip is not over until it is over. Keep Dhikir your guard, good deeds your luggage and do not lose focus on where you are going. So you may endure the pain of this trip When you finally arrive to your destination Al-Jannah , you will forget all the pain.

May Allah Swt bless me, bless you and bless us all, Ameen.

heavy weekender

wheeew *wiping my forehead* another weekend past but not my ordinary weekend though. Hubby had a three-day weekend.

Friday we had somewhat of a trip at Alia's summer camp. So daddy decided that he wanted to see the school and drop her off too and it turned out that she had a meltdown. She started screaming and crying from the top of her lungs calling us back. I felt bad and I came back which was a bad move. She screamed some more and one of the staff said the longer I stay the longer she will cry for me. So I left feeling so beaten down, because I never felt this way before even when I dropped her off the previous days. Maybe she did that because she finally realized that Mami is not gonna be with her the whole time she was there and daddy came to drop me off and he won't be there either. Anyways...so we all came home, had our routines done. When in time to pick Alia up, it was a good thing that Morgan was taking her nap, so me and hubby left to pick her up. She was soooo happy to see her daddy picking her up and we decided to go out for lunch. We went to this restaurant that I've been dying to try out. CUBAN'S PETE. It had a very interesting and authentic entrance. It started out on the alley with a boardwalk just enough for two people and it opened up into an outdoor dining area. Very open and yet secluded. The restaurant's "cuban resort vacation" design theme includes hand-painted wall murals, tied bamboo stalks as columns, tile floors, wicker chairs and fans, sea shells on the walls, a sangria bar, and a centralized open-air courtyard. And the food was good. Too bad most of it had pork in it, so I couldn't enjoy some of them. What was weird that my drink had a similar taste with hubby's drink and we ordered totally different drinks. Anyways...we came home and found that Morgan was still napping. Then, we started doing our routines again...cook, do some laundry, daddy went napping as well, watched Eragon (FINALLY!) then get the girls ready for bed...Night night!

Saturday, we started slow, but then daddy wanted to go out for lunch and didn't know where to go b/c it's the weekend and everywhere is packed especially Clifton Commons. Well, I gave a bunch of ideas and he didn't like any of them so before the girls falls asleep on us waiting for a decision where to go, I decided to just go and pick a place on the road which daddy did....CHILI'S! We haven't been there in awhile and it turned to be good. However, Morgans was a little frustrating to me that is, but it was part of somebody's saturday plan to make me go crazy that day or maybe it was just my hormones going off the wall since I was having my period. Not that I want to be nasty or anything but my emotions was going off like fireworks. Anyways, we decided to go watch a movie since we haven't gone in like TWO YEARS! And since Harry Potter is out and I'm a huge fan of HP we went and took the kids with us. WOW! what a mistake it was and I learned my mistake and of course traumatize once more from this experience. Kids are kids and they talk since they are still toddlers and can't control their behaviour yet especially to be quiet during a movie that lasts us only 15 minutes of Harry Potter. Or maybe not even that long. Took Morgan out twice and the second time I went out there was this guy that was bothered by our existence and told me how selfish I was to do this and tried to complain about us and if there's some kind of policy for bringing little children to the place. I couldn't really hear anything he said b/c Morgan was crying so loud next to my ear and I just walked out. Tried to calm myself down and Morgan. Came back to the car and hubby told me that he was about to punch this guy out for what he just said to me and he would've done it too for it weren't Alianisa being held in his arm. So we came home and I actually had a few hours of nap, which I desiredly needed.

Sunday me and the girls went to see my mom coz my dad told me she had twisted her ankle over the steps outside. It was still swolen but it was as bad as yesterday she said....she mentioned that she can walk this morning then she got ready to go the Mesjid b/c there's a ta'ziah for her friend's parent who just passed away. She left and we stayed for a few more hours so the girls can play with their kakung and came home. They fell asleep on the ride home and woke up two and half hours later and started playing on the sprinkle in the backyard with daddy. Bathed them and make them some linguini and now we're ready to go to bed. NIGHT NIGHT!